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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007801">a most pathetic pretender</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bill &amp; Ted (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Angst, M/M, Pining, Post-Bill &amp; Ted's Bogus Journey, Sexual Content, lowercase is intentional</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:34:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007801</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ted knows this arrangement - the whole being fuck buddies with an evil robot that has killed him and was built to be the spitting image of his best friend - is a most abysmal situation to find himself in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evil Robot Bill/Ted "Theodore" Logan, Ted "Theodore" Logan &amp; Bill S. Preston Esq.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a most pathetic pretender</h2></a>
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    <p>ted knows this arrangement - the whole being fuck buddies with an evil robot that <em>has</em> killed him and was built to be the spitting image of his best friend - is a most abysmal situation to find himself in.</p><p>how this all started was beyond ted. he knows station fixed the robots, managed to make them much less evil - they're just mischievous robot bill and ted now. he knows they were much cooler and much easier it was to be around now they are much less murderous than they used to be. their shenanigans is limited to small pranks and being mildly annoying for the fun of it, at this point. ted guesses not having to worry about robots from the future trying to kill you really takes the edge off.  because somehow robot bill sneaking in to the apartment and to mess with ted before bill came home became robot bill coming over to fuck ted before bill came home. and how they made that transition in their... <em>relationship(?)</em>, ted still doesn't understand.</p><p>regardless of how it began, ted knows he should end it. knows he should tell robot bill that he doesn't want to do this anymore. it's the most pathetic thing. he should really try to forget every time he let the robot bend him over the counter or every time ted had him fuck him into his mattress. forget every bruise and but he had to hide so bill wouldn't ask question. forget every kiss he wished was a kiss from bill, the real bill. because these desperation fueled fucks with his friend's not-so-evil-anymore-robo-twin is kinda bogus. because this almost sickly sweet fling ted doesn't let himself question is pretty pathetic.</p><p>he won't. he knows that. ted pretends he doesn't, but he does. he tells himself he's gonna stop every week. and just like every other week, when robot bill shows up, just minutes after ted does - they really don't have much time, bill gets home only about an hour after ted most days - he doesn't turn him down. because after so much anxiety, after so much build up to the moments he sees him again, kissing robot bill is so much more cathartic than he cares to understand. <em>because, what's one more time?</em></p><p>he doesn't even have the sense to be ashamed or maybe hesitate for just a moment. because he doesn't need to. or maybe he doesn't have any seconds to spare, scared he'll start to think in one of these moments. because he can feel bad about this quick fuck later. ted can hate himself for it later. for now, he'll pull the robot closer. let wandering hands slide up his shirt as he fumbles to get his pants down his legs. ignoring the little laugh from robot bill - trying to pretend it didn't sound so much like bill's.</p><p>for now, get will let robot bill back him up against the kitchen counter. trying <strong>not</strong> to pretend that it's real bill that pushes himself between his legs when he pulls himself up to sit on the counter. or that it's bill's waist he wraps his legs around. for now, he'll accept the torturously gentle pace. trying not to cringe at how slowly robot bill rocks into him, like he's mocking him. for not getting too have the real thing. for having to wait around for a robot to give him a fix. give him a pretty lie ted can sit wrapped up in. a nice lot he can trust until the heat pooling in stomach starts to pull harder.</p><p>it's a lie ted hates knowing he needs. it's not all the time. usually he can go without it. which is a fact that makes it easier for this most pathetic pretender to ignore how much he truly needs the comfort of this lie in vulnerable moments. a lie that takes that pooling heat deeper. a lie that brings that tugging lower and lower and lower. and gives his heart a rest from the rough, heavy tugging for a while. until robot bill's hips start to stutter, sitting flush against ted's, pulling ted back into the moment and starting again with ragged thrusts.</p><p>eventually blubbering out a "<em>fuck</em>" and shoving his face into robot bill's neck. more sobs are pulled from ted's throat as robot bill rolls into him a few more times, fucking him through his orgasm. ted holds onto him a bit tighter.</p><p>pretending it is him.</p><p>the real <em>him</em>.<br/>
<br/>
the <em>him</em> it'll never be.</p>
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